Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Rookie Mistake

So, I sometimes (not often but sometimes) feel like I am totally on top of this whole parenting thing, like I am a sippy cup slinging, non-serial killer raising, pro.
Other times... Not. So. Much.

Yesterday was one of the other times. It's been deliciously hot around here, which means playing outside is a go. And that makes for a sweaty, sunscreened, dirt-encrusted-in-the-creases-of-his-eyelids baby.
Normally we're pretty lackadaisical about bath time, figuring that dirt is good and that the dog usually gets the big stuff with her tongue (I jest... sort of) but in the hot weather baths are a more frequent occurrence.
Which is what makes yesterday's "event" kind of worse for me. It was a rookie mistake and I've been in training.
So, I poured a bath, popped down the non-slip thingies, added some bubbles, agitated. Tra la la.
Then I went to hunt down the bear, "bath time" I informed him and he gamely trotted to the bathroom. Where I whipped his shorts and tee off. Then, and here's where I went wrong, I whipped his dipe off and slid him in to the tub in one smooth movement.
Slash splash. Teddy patted the water and shouted at his tubby toys, I filled up the jug to pour over his hair.
Then I spotted it.
"Dude" I pondered aloud "what is THAT?"
But I knew what it is.
Floating in the general posterior area of my kid was a rather enormous poop.
I checked my impulse to dry heave then whipped Teddy out of the tub,
"Did you go poops?" I asked him. In answer he swiftly cycled through bemusement and incredulousness to screaming fury at being removed from his toys.
No he hadn't pooped in the tub, he had pooped in his dipe like a civilised fellow, but some bozo had neglected to check for poop before placing him into the tub. also DUH.
So, my son thinks I'm clown shoes and I got poop under my fingernails. I will remember to check from now on. I can't really remember where I was going with this story, but you're welcome for making your day a little grosser.


  1. So, uh, how did you remove the floating poop from the bath? I'm picturing a big metal slotted spoon, like taking a fried doughnut out of the cooking oil then putting it some paper towels to cool, shaking it in a paper bag with powdered sugar...

    (I've been enjoying your posts so much that I decided to read the archives chronologically. I'm sure I'll be moved to comment at times.)

  2. Callipygian! Eeeeew!
    Though I bet someone, somewhere makes a tool for just such occasions.
    For the record, I emptied the tubby then scooped with toilet paper. And dry heaving.

  3. HI, I just found your blog from Wardrobe Refashion. This is so funny! If it's the worst thing you do as a mom, then you are awesome.
    This reminds me of when my first child was a baby and bathing her was a two person event, because it was so scary and new. Just after we had filled the sink with water, undressed her and started lowering her into the water, she got that "I've got to poop" look on her face. Oh no, not in the sink! So my husband cups his hands under her and CATCHES IT! He disposes of it, I wipe her off and bath time is saved. My hero!
    Susan :-D

  4. Hi Susan! So funny. I think that's one of the things that earns you your VETERAN PARENT merit badge - When your first impulse is to catch the grossness in your bare hands (barf counts too)!


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