Hey you know what our soft furnishings really lack?
Scatter cushions? A cuddly hand-crocheted throw? Scotchgard protection?
Close, but no cigar.
Desiccated bull penis?
But don't worry, Dilly has that situation covered.
But where to put it? Where to put it? Where where where?
And yes, golf claps at my genius sweetie for giving the dog a dried shlong.