Friday, February 26, 2010

Sad Monkey

Holy cats am I ever feeling sorry for myself.
My bear is a sickie fellow, with snot and hack hack hacking and a fever. And waking up every two hours on the dot.
It's rubbish when little people are sick but it's p'ticly rubbish because it means we're rainchecking his party.
He doesn't appear to mind (one of the joys of being almost 2 I guess) but I could cry. In fact I might have already cried. His Grammie is going to be here, but she'll be gone again by next weekend.
I have spent the week making decorations one handed whilst snuggling the bear and hoping he'd be better in time. I've had honey in my hair for 3 days without getting the time to wash it out and blah blah blah... I know, boo hoo right? There will be other birthdays.

I think the fact that he's turning two is what's really making me sad. Two! I know that he is still just a little fellow and that he'll ALWAYS be my baby but he seems so big now. My arms practically ache from missing holding his tiny newborn, freshly hatched body. And they actually do ache from holding his 28lbs/36 and a bit inch self now.

I've been informed that feeling this way means it's "time for another one".
I don't know if we will have another baby, but even if we do, the experience will be different. I don't just miss random baby stuff. I miss Teddy's baby stuff.

His first few weeks were tough. Like bootcamp tough, with the waking up 3.30 AM and having someone scream at you whilst you preform difficult tasks. Teddy wasn't nursing and my boobs were not so much with the milk production, and I was second guessing my every move, (wait... is there one up from second guessing? Like fifth guessing?) but everyone kept saying
"Enjoy it, it goes so quickly" and at the time I secretly thought DUDE, I HOPE SO.

But it does. In the length of time it takes a bad haircut to grow out my baby was out of swaddling, sleeping through the night and no longer nursing. It's a blink. A finger snap. A broken heartbeat.
And I know that there is SUPER exciting stuff to come and that he's completely awesome just the way he is. But right now I'm feeling dented by the passage of time.


  1. Awww, my two are 26 and 24 so I'm in the camp of those that say "enjoy this time." What I wouldn't do for them being 2 again. Well, on second thought, maybe just a day or two of it. :)

    There is something about birthdays and sickness I think. My oldest was sick on his 1st birthday and he was born in August, so can't blame it on winter.

  2. As he will be only 2, he will only most likely remember whatever happens in pics and if you take cute pics (albeit, snotted up baby ones) he will remember that he had fun whether he really did or not eventually.

    No matter how old he gets, he will always be "your baby" in your own mind (although he will stomp his foot at store at the age of 5 and remind you "I am NOT A BABY")...whether or not you choose to have another one is up to you.

    I only had one, which is now 16 and although I have felt baby pangs occasionally, by the time he reach 15 I was quite thankful there wasn't another one to gang up against me. Have told him I would trade him in for 2 8 year olds except they will one day become a teenagers that cannot wait to wreck my car.

  3. Thanks Sue and Kathryn, you guys are encouraging and awesome. Things are a lot less maudlin around here with a getting-better bear and a visiting grammie.


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