Holy cats am I ever feeling sorry for myself.
My bear is a sickie fellow, with snot and hack hack hacking and a fever. And waking up every two hours on the dot.
It's rubbish when little people are sick but it's p'ticly rubbish because it means we're rainchecking his party.
He doesn't appear to mind (one of the joys of being almost 2 I guess) but I could cry. In fact I might have already cried. His Grammie is going to be here, but she'll be gone again by next weekend.
I have spent the week making decorations one handed whilst snuggling the bear and hoping he'd be better in time. I've had honey in my hair for 3 days without getting the time to wash it out and blah blah blah... I know, boo hoo right? There will be other birthdays.
I think the fact that he's turning two is what's really making me sad. Two! I know that he is still just a little fellow and that he'll ALWAYS be my baby but he seems so big now. My arms practically ache from missing holding his tiny newborn, freshly hatched body. And they actually do ache from holding his 28lbs/36 and a bit inch self now.
I've been informed that feeling this way means it's "time for another one".
I don't know if we will have another baby, but even if we do, the experience will be different. I don't just miss random baby stuff. I miss Teddy's baby stuff.
His first few weeks were tough. Like bootcamp tough, with the waking up 3.30 AM and having someone scream at you whilst you preform difficult tasks. Teddy wasn't nursing and my boobs were not so much with the milk production, and I was second guessing my every move, (wait... is there one up from second guessing? Like fifth guessing?) but everyone kept saying
"Enjoy it, it goes so quickly" and at the time I secretly thought DUDE, I HOPE SO.
But it does. In the length of time it takes a bad haircut to grow out my baby was out of swaddling, sleeping through the night and no longer nursing. It's a blink. A finger snap. A broken heartbeat.
And I know that there is SUPER exciting stuff to come and that he's completely awesome just the way he is. But right now I'm feeling dented by the passage of time.