There, I Fixed That For You

What's small, blonde and has the destructive power of 10 angry tigers armed with chainsaws?
Here's a clue:

whud'up?

And here's what this guy does for shiggles when I'm busy making a new slip cover for the couch (and therefor totally neglecting him)

 There, I fixed that for you

That too.

And here's a bit more of a sneek peek at the reason for the radio silence and the child neglect. New couch covers. Dude. It's a LOT of work. but I love them so much. Actually I like the original crazy floral too, and this couch has a good story too, maybe for some other time.

Play Kitchen In A Bag

Hey you know when is a good time to decide to make your kid a play kitchen? Any other time than 7 days before Christmas. (You might have seen this lapse of sanity in my twitter feed. If you see anything like it again, do feel free to give me a good hard punch and a "seriously?")

See I got started making felt sushi, ('member?) and that was super fun. So I made some edamame. And that was fun too. Then I saw a tute for broc-a-trees on exactly the same day I thought "huh, we could use some brocs" (uncanny!). And then we happened to pick up a little set of pots and pans when we were at ToysRus (more about those later). Then things might have got a bit out of control.

I gave some serious thought to an Ikea hack of a bedside table but I just couldn't make it work size-wise. And then I saw this roll-up version at Balancing Everything and was all "OH YAH YOU DID!" and I did a little dance and that was that.

So, I give you... The Play Kitchen in a Bag!

Now obviously the real props here go to Jessica. The only things that I modified on her design was to add knobs that turn. (um, notice the deliberate mistake in the shot with Teddy; I totally didn't add the second knob 'til after he got it!)

I used three layers of white, medium weight felt for the base and I sewed the elements, sink and faucets on with a close zigzag stitch after I stitch-tacked them down.

Then I stuck the top layer on the bottom two base layers and zipped around the edges with the same zig zag stitch (no turning inside out for me, I'm too lazy).

Next I poked two grommets ($1.99 for a pack of 14 from Fabriclnd) through all three layers of base felt (yay for whacking things with a hammer!).

I sewed the big buttons onto smaller buttons through the grommet holes. Leaving enough slack so that the big buttons can be twirled all the way around.

And voila!

Wondering what ELSE is in the bag? WELL...

We got this set of pots and pans and tools from ToysRus (they're OK but not awesomesauce. I wish we'd have held out and gotten the Ikea Kids Duktig sets).

And some baking supplies (and some cookies):

A couple of pasta dishes (felt farfalle and ribbon basgetti) and some brocs, cauliflower, beans and carrots for sauteeing:

Also eggies for frying (inspired by Heidi's tute actually), the sushi and SAMMICH fixin's . The pink thing is Montreal Smoked Meat, or you know, ham.

And lastly, a bottle of dish soap and a scrubbie, for the unlucky guy on KP duty.

Talking of KP, when it comes time to clear up, the food goes into a take out container

And everything else goes into a clear plastic box,

And the whole shebang goes into the shopping bag!

The Bear mostly cooks "veg-bill curry" and "clown chowder (it's like clam chowder but infinitely creepier)" and "I making PIEROGIES mummy. Are they awe-sum?" Mmm pierogies. Yes, yes they are awesome. Actually I should make some felt pirogies right now. Also maybe some real ones. with butter. and bacon. and butter. hooboy.

Lastly of all I wanted to say that if you're stocking a play kitchen then you could do worse than hitting up your dollar store. I scored this stuff at the Dollarama, and the clear box to jam it all into too.

The Incredible Magnetic Boy

Hey, you know what would be awesome? Being able to magnetize my kid and stick him to the fridge so he couldn't get into shenanigans while I was doing the dishes. What's that? You're calling child services? Oh. Did I say awesome? I meant awful. bad. terrible.

Le sigh.

Turns out there's only one socially acceptable way to stick your progeny to the fridge. Like ziz...

This is part of the magnetic, dress up-able bear set that I made Teddy's grammie for Christmas.

This isn't a tutorial exactly, on account of how I use Photoshop like a chimp trying to tie a bowtie; you know, with honking rage and tears of frustration.

But what I did was take a picture of the shortpants there against a lightish backdrop. Then I meddled with it a bit in Picnik (so much less scary that Photoshop, and free!).

Then I used photoshop to cut and paste it onto a white background and go around the edges of my bear in white. I used a biggish brush with a blurry edge.

I took pictures of some of the bear's favorite things, like Mr. T-bone Walker up there (you can call him T-Bone, he's cool like that) and a few different hats, his bear ears, fire chief and yellow hard hat. I also scavenged a flower and a balloon offa the internets.

I outlined them in photoshop too then I resized them and moved them all onto the image of the bear, so I could make sure they fit him like. Here's where most of the honking howls of frustration came in.

Next I used Picnik to make a word -bubble that says "HI!" and a heart with "I Love Grammie" in it.

I saved my files as jpgs then printed those suckers down at the drugstore. You could use your own printer but mine is LOUSY and for 19c a pop you can't really go wrong.

Once I had them printed I cut my images out then stuck them on sticky magnetic sheets, trimmed the magnetic backing and voila, fridge-ready.

Presentation wise, I stuck them on a bit of card with some rolled up tape and popped them in an envelope.

I might ALSO have made my guy chums some Vargas Girl pin up magnets for their fridges using the same technique. And that might have looked like this... (Look away now if you're offended by scantily clad women or copyright infringement)

But I'm not admitting to anything on account of how those images do have copyrights and googling "Vargas Girls" will show you some genuinely nasty things and may acquire you a virus so bad that it decimates your computer and makes you cry like a baby at the thought of losing every single picture you have. Or, ahem, so I've heard.

Made of Weird

My kid is pretty bizarro. And it makes me ridiculously happy.

I suspect that this guy might have been the problem.

"mmmm... shoes"

Small Animal in the Spirit House,

I was just thinking about something I'd almost forgotten and then I though OH crap I better write that down or it'll be gone.
You know how we love the ROM right? Me and that short blond. Well one of us only loves 98% of the ROM. The other 2%, well...
The lobby of the ROM has a space called the Spirit House, it's a darkish space with crazy angled walls and bouncy acoustics. And there's a permanent Art/Sound Installation Thing (wow, they should let me write the brochure). It features sounds. Random sounds. That bounce off the walls and reverberate and actually are kind of awesome.
Anyhow, back when I was waddling, hefty, miserable pregnant I would go in an perch my swollen caress on the sophisticated-but-uncomfortably slithery chairs in there.
And fetus Teddy would completely love it. He would either instantly settle down and stop kicking me in the organs. Or he would wake up and rock out, depending on the sounds. He appeared to particularly like the deep base sounds. It was nice thing to do at a time that was otherwise frankly kindoflousy.

So, when I took him into the Spirit room for the first time post- womb, I kind of expected that he would like it.
Yah.
Not so muchly.

The first sound was a grumbly purr then a deep, bear-type growly noise. And apparently whatever is programmed into small animals to make them fear large growly ones works just fine in Teddy. Because he completely lost his noodles. And tried to climb into my face. Whimpering (apparently full-on screeching makes you an easier target) and shaking. I got him out of there instantly AND I managed not to laugh at him (that gets me a parenting award right?). And we haven't been in there since.
The whole thing made me think about the fact that infants are kind of snack sized for the big carnivores or hell, even an Eagle with the right can-do attitude.
I don't know where I was going with this, I guess I just mean Babies - Squishy and Delicious.

I don't know about now though, this guy looks like he could beat an eagle in a bar fight.

OK. Done here. Carry on.

Halloweened

Ta-DAH! I'm all halloweenied! (heh, "weenie")
Pretty excited about the we'en this year (most years actually, but this year particularly) and here's why:



My friend Sarah's mama, Judy, scored Teddy the dragon suit, and I love it so much I can't barely stand it. He just happens to love it too (he's already asked to wear it twice) but I would be putting him in it even if he hated it.
Because I love it THAT much.
He's a dragon and that means I get to be... A PRINCESS!!! or a KNIGHT!!! I'm cool with either (I'm using "cool" very loosely here, I actually mean "the nerdiest ever").
And the whole-dressing-to-match-your-kid thing? I'm doing that until homeboy is old enough to set the bear trap to stop me leaving the house with him!
Last year was a bust for various reasons but here's a quick retrospective of Teddy's costumes so far:

2007

See, he's a pumpkin. A vomit-inducing pumpkin. Might not seem so scary to you, but being pregnant scared the crap out of me. Spooky for sure. And...

2008

Teddy is a chimp. And I am famed primatologist Jane Goodall. (See? I have a safari shirt and a hello my name is Jane Goodall badge.) Which I thought was HI-larious. But literally NOBODY else found funny.
Now, I'm going to need some pale pink tulle, a traffic cone and a BUNCH of candy corn. We're on a deadline here people!

The Birthday Bear

Here's what the bear got up to on his birthday...


But NEVER FEAR... dun dun DAHHHH... Monkeys V's Robots is a GO for Saturday 20th. Come hell or high water. I can't wait to show you guys the STUFF. (I have a squillion cupcake flags all ready to go and banners and bunting and yadda yadda yadda!)

Hey, stupid hats aside; the sight of my sweetie's hands on the bear's funny little almost-bald head just makes my heart chirp like a happy bird. I really am a lucky.

Sad Monkey

Holy cats am I ever feeling sorry for myself.
My bear is a sickie fellow, with snot and hack hack hacking and a fever. And waking up every two hours on the dot.
It's rubbish when little people are sick but it's p'ticly rubbish because it means we're rainchecking his party.
He doesn't appear to mind (one of the joys of being almost 2 I guess) but I could cry. In fact I might have already cried. His Grammie is going to be here, but she'll be gone again by next weekend.
I have spent the week making decorations one handed whilst snuggling the bear and hoping he'd be better in time. I've had honey in my hair for 3 days without getting the time to wash it out and blah blah blah... I know, boo hoo right? There will be other birthdays.

I think the fact that he's turning two is what's really making me sad. Two! I know that he is still just a little fellow and that he'll ALWAYS be my baby but he seems so big now. My arms practically ache from missing holding his tiny newborn, freshly hatched body. And they actually do ache from holding his 28lbs/36 and a bit inch self now.

I've been informed that feeling this way means it's "time for another one".
I don't know if we will have another baby, but even if we do, the experience will be different. I don't just miss random baby stuff. I miss Teddy's baby stuff.

His first few weeks were tough. Like bootcamp tough, with the waking up 3.30 AM and having someone scream at you whilst you preform difficult tasks. Teddy wasn't nursing and my boobs were not so much with the milk production, and I was second guessing my every move, (wait... is there one up from second guessing? Like fifth guessing?) but everyone kept saying
"Enjoy it, it goes so quickly" and at the time I secretly thought DUDE, I HOPE SO.

But it does. In the length of time it takes a bad haircut to grow out my baby was out of swaddling, sleeping through the night and no longer nursing. It's a blink. A finger snap. A broken heartbeat.
And I know that there is SUPER exciting stuff to come and that he's completely awesome just the way he is. But right now I'm feeling dented by the passage of time.

Mouse! Mice! Meese?

I've written before about how going to the ROM with Teddy is super fun times. We went this Thursday and it was no exception. Teddy conned his uncle Elliot into carting him around "UP? up? hug?" So that he could yodel animal names into his face more efficiently "BURD! BEAR! BURD! COWWWWW!".

We happened to be in the right place at the right time to take part in one of their animal Ambassador talks. And Who can resist the lure of a ringtailed lemur. I for sure can't.

So we sat in a darkened auditorium with about 20 other people. And waited quietly for them to bring out Cosmo the ringtailed Lemur.
As soon as Teddy spotted him he yelled"MOUSE! MOUSE! MOUSE!" breaking the silence and causing a ripple of giggles.
I whispered "Um, Teddy, that's a Lemur".
Teddy nodded in agreement "MOUSE".

So there we have it. Anything smaller than a dog is a mouse.
Including beavers.

This morning Teddy came racing into the kitchen yelling "Mouse 'n CAR". One blurry-eye pre-coffee "Huh?" later he showed me this:



It is, undeniably, a mouse in a car.

The Invites! Squee!

The invites are all ready to be handed over. Remember the guys from this post? Well here's where they ended up:



And you guys! I'm kind of in love with them. The slightly skewed angle of the monkey's smile gives me a happy. It was a complete accident so I can't really take credit for it.

I printed them out at the photo service in the pharmacy/drug store. The yellow behind the robot ended up way more yellow than the orange that it looked on my screen. Which almost caused me to wig out, but I think I like it better like this. So YAY!
Finding yellow accessories and paper napkins and balloons and STUFF looks to be easier than finding orange ones. So also YAY!

I came home with my printouts in my sweaty paws and stared at them mumbling "what to do what to do what to do?" with a slightly glazed look; until inspiration struck and I decided to make a double sided sammich board style thing.
Like this, see?



I did a bit of cutting and sticking using the blank cards I picked up at the dollar store a while ago and my brother's VERY expensive glue (which Elliot if you're reading this, I haven't seen. uh uh. Nope. Maybe goats ate it? Or warthogs? Maybe?).

Anyways, the whole shebang fits flat in the envelope and useful information stuff is on the other card.
Teddy and I are going to go give them out tomorrow and I have to say I am THIS excited about the party. You guys should totally come! There'll be CAKE!
x

Breakfast, Hold the Tiffany's

When there is quiet and my Bear and pooch are hanging out in the same place there is almost always some kind of shenanigan going on.
Like this.
(Anybody with a healthy respect for hygiene might want to look away now or risk being traumatized.)

1. OK. It's too quiet over there.


2. Huh?


3.

Well of course. Of course you're eating cheerios off of the floor in the grubbiest spot in the house. And naturally you would completely lose your wiggles when I try to return the cheerios to the bowl.

4.

because leftover cheerios belong in mamma's boots.

Sammiches too.

Dispatches from the Laundry Room...

Well hey.
We have barf.
Bear barf.
Apologies if you've just become a follower and are now thinking "What the noodles...?! Lady, I did not sign up for puke updates".

My bear is not a barfer; even when he was tiny he wasn't ever even a spit-uppy baby. In fact, in his whole 22 months of being a person he has thrown up maybe 10 times. 6 of those were yesterday. Once was today. The tele-nurse folks (and my ma) patiently sat through my hypochondriacal hyperventilating and kindly instructed me to get a grip. That it's not actually PARVO, because you guys, apparently that's a DOG disease.

So, fluids, rest. He's actually a lot better now, and it looks like the barfing today was down to some genius (me) giving him wholewheat toast with butter instead of white toast with nutthin.
GAH.
T-Bone is having yet another spa treatment. I've been "indulging" in a little laundry room Wu Wei and I think it has has given me what might be an idea.
I'll let you know, when there's less barf.

Until then, a gratuitous bear shot:

blow baby blow (updated!)

Ladies and Gentlemen!
For ONE night only The Messy Couch Cafe PREEEEEE-sents....

Teddy "SHORT PANTS" Filby-Thorne and his blues Harmonica styling!


I thanks you.
That was yesterday.
This was this morning:

.

Should I be calling the Julliard School or what?

You Guys! The 'Lympics!

I love the Olympics. Love love love them. Even the winter ones. Even the politically contentious ones. And they're going to be in Canada (again) and REALLY soon!
Which meant that the Olympic Torch came to the T.O.!
One of the super awesome things about living in the heart of the city is that things happen RIGHT HERE. So, they're easy to get to (or even look out of the window at).

The Torch relay route was right down Yonge st, not 100 meters from us and would be culminating a few blocks away in Nathan Phillips Sq. So when our chums Tracy and Andrew asked if we wanted to go see it with them I was all "HELLS YES!"
Lovely, kind and generous Tracy knocked on the door this afternoon with gifties. She had hunted down pairs of the official Olympics mittens for my sweetie, Teddy and me. They are red and toasty and they have a maple leaf on them and they are LOVELY. And did I mention red? I like red.

Teddy yelled "MITT" and jammed his daddy's pair on. They come up to his armpits; he strutted around patting things with his giant and hilarious man-hands."mittmittmitt".

There's a chance I have too much time and too much crazy on my hands.
Watching my bear telling T-bone "mitt mitt miiiiiiitt" made me think
"Hey you know who has hands? And who also, I bet, totally loves the 'lypmics? T-BONE that's WHO."
So I made t-bone some red mittens out of some of the felt I compulsively bought yesterday (see I knew there was a reason I needed it).

And lookit, here's those two waiting for the torch.

and here's ANOTHER one of them:

and here's a close up of T-bone's mittens:
So, we waited at the end of our street, watching the lights getting closer, Teddy waved to folks like he was running for office and pointed "PLANE" at the helicopters.
Then UP the road came a bunch of protesters. Chanting "No ol-ym-pics on stolennativelands!"
Bless their little cotton socks. They held up the Torch for an hour and made me nostalgic as hell for when I was a rock-throwing protester myself (le sigh, it's been a while). They were very well behaved and the police were light-handed and relaxed. We weren't sure if the flame was being diverted so decided to trot down to Nathan Phillips sq and wait there. So off we went, chatting to a bemused Texan tourist.
We cut through the Eaton center to warm our toesies up (it was minus 11 out there) and as we came out of the queen street exit there it was! Rounding the corner, chap running with Torch. I went "EEEEEI!" and whipped Teddy out of his cart. We watched as it whistled past and it was... kind of magic.
It's so shiny. Pretty in reality and as an idea. I felt surprisingly moved, and our timing was serendipitous ( I love when that happens). As we got to the square the chap who had carried the Torch was leaving still holding his torch (though it wasn't on fire anymore) and I snapped a quick shot of him.
Doesn't he look like he's had a good night? We definitely did and now I CAN'T WAIT for the games to begin. Bring on the giant crazy ski jumping and the pretty twirly ice dancing. T-Bone and Teddy and I have our mittens ALL READY!

Cocktails at 9AM

1. Select Shaker


2. Shake3. Test and serve.


Making mama a martini. 3 olives, just threaten it with the vermouth.

Ok. Fine. I haven't actually let my kid loose with the hooch. (Though yeah, that is a giant paper-mache pickle).
My genius sweetie gave the bear a free promo boston shaker to play with.
I was torn between recoiling in horror (booze! marketing! addiction! MY BABY!) and laughing a bit.
Funny won.

But it easily might not have. As kids our live-in grandmother drank in the mornings. Straight whiskey in a fancy coffee cup (I guess mugs aren't ladylike?) and I remember being frightened and grossed out by her addiction. Also bored to tears. You know how folks get repetitive when they're drunk? Well yeah.

OK.This was darker than I intended. Hey look at my kid! and booze! tee hee!

Teddy Hearts Antiquities

My birthday giftie from my mama was membership to the R.O.M. The Royal Ontario Museum. I LOVE the place. In fact I am a big fan of pretty much all museums (even the tiny bizarro ones with someone's lint collection).
But the R.O.M is a p'ticly good museum. It's just had a massive revamp, and a new wing built. I feel weirdly proprietorial about the new wing, because I watched it being built. When we first arrived in Canada in October '06 the metal frame was going up and I watched it grow every day as I walked to and from work. I was unconvinced, it was an ugly baby, all pointy and awkward, but by the time it's shiny skin went on I was madly in love.

I watched it go from this:
To this:

Photo Credits Jcoop on flickr and Here

It turns out that The Bear loves the ROM as much as I do, we try and get there once a week, even if it's just for 20 minutes. I let him loose (with the priceless artifacts) and he is squeallingly enthusiastic about everything; he particularly loves the fishies and the bear and eagle ("BEAR! BURD!") in the foyer.
Here he is cooing over a pottery horsie:

NO mama, it's a HAN dynasty burial piece. Obviously. GAH!

and copping a squat by a pavilion:
and playing in the playroom:
My pictures are pretty lousy, but The Bear actually got paparazzi'd by a tourist that day. The chap asked and I didn't mind but it's brought up some interesting points of view amongst our chums.
Folks seem to be divided between "well he IS cute" and "dude, kind of creepy".
I am mostly in the first camp, but I think that it's not so much that he's cute (though I believe he is), it was more the completely rapt expression on his face. I don't think I have ever been as enthusiastic about anything as Teddy was about the little arctic fox that he was staring and woofing and cooing at when the tourist took the shot.