Ooou! Did you see? Pretty...

Hey you know when a brand new blog starts SUPER strong and lays on the awesome? I LOVE that.
Specifically, did you guys find Speckless yet? You should you should! Lookit the CUTE:

Eggies! Totally making one of those.
Set of these too.

And Heidi has a great eye for the pretties and an etsy shop that I could live in. What I'm saying is awesomeness. And you should maybe visit.
x

Surprised? YAH I was!

You guys! I totally got HAD. I got surprise birthday partied and I had NO IDEA. And it was the most fun ever.
First some back story...
My last two birthdays, through nobodies fault really, have been pretty lousy. Last year there was super fun swine flu, and the year before that turning 30 was a non-event.
So this year I asked my sweetie to take me for High Tea at MoRoCo, (MMM CAKE!). The plan was to get all gussied up in a tea dress and make my sweetie wear a tie.

Any how. On Saturday my sweetie told me he had booked a haircut and did I want to come and lurk around the Anthropologie store next door I was all "HELL YAH I DO!" (dude! Anthro!). So there's the hook.
So on our way there Andy pulled the "oh hey, can we stop here? I have to pee" card and dived into a mall entrance. And that would be the Line.
I was all "of course". And I followed him down some step, through some doors and past a few arcade games. I was still pointing to the washroom sign while I did a total double take at my chums shouting SURPRISE. There's the sinker.
I was totally surprised and so happy I almost lost it and howled like a baby right there. But I didn't instead I...
BOWLED!
Andy had organised a vintage Americana themed bowling party. The alley was perfect and he roped my very good chum Sarah into balloon decorating duty. And there were animal noses! But most importantly of all there were a bunch of people whom I love. Kicking my ass at bowling.




And here's the man himself, examining the score board.150? Yah, that would be my guy. (Also his hands in this shot make my palms sweaty and my mouth dry. yum.)
And lookit here's my kid, who's score was DOUBLE mine.

After bowling we can home for chili dogs and beers and noisy fun times, then went on to my brother's OWN surprise party. Which was EXTRA fun too.
I know I say I love this city a lot, but I think what I really mean is that I love our lives here and our extraordinary friends and how lucky we are.

Lucky. But not at bowling.

P.S. You guys, I'm really glad that a trip to Anthro is a wear-something-niceish occasion for me. Sure it's dorky but there could have been sweatpants.
x

What's a good title for a post about boobs?

Cute, but p'rolly not going to cut it

Hokay, to start us off a little boob philosophy.
Firstly of all, I should note that I'll be saying boobs, "the girls" and occasionally breasts; see, I was raised in a strictly NO CUTESY EUPHEMISMS household. No "foofy" "hoo-haa", "pee-pee" or (true story) "lady garden" for the Filby kids. Which means that I'm totally comfortable saying breasts, penis, vagina, et al. but I find the euphemisms hilarious. Particularly boobs. Those two O's are like adorable grammatical slapstick.

Secondly, you know how you feel about your boobs? Have a think... is it all shiny, positive, yay-for-me, happiness? No? More mild dissatisfaction? Well guess what. EVERYBODY I ever measured felt the same way. I mean it, everybody from first-bra tweens to older, sensible-bra'd women and a transgendered woman who had just gotten her ALL NEW boobs. NOBODY was happy with the girls.
To which I say.

YOU GUYS (and also me). KNOCK IT OFF.
You have good breasts.
You do.
They're the only ones you get and they're awesome.
And anybody who says any different better leave NOW.
OK. Are we clear?
Your boobs = great.

Now I've got the crazy harangue out of the way, lets talk a little bit about sizing and measurements. To get your measurements you're going to need...
For step one:
A tape measure.
A mirror.
(optional) a good chum or your sweetie
A bra that you feel comfortable in (not padded or lift-uppy though)
For step two:
The shop with the largest selection of underwear (in your price range) in town.

Step One.
You'll need to whip your shirt off. You can leave everything else on. Though I once had a lady strip completely nekkid. She was mortified when I asked if maybe she'd maybe like to put her pants back on... so yep. You can leave your drawers on.

Now you need to run your tape measure under your boobs. Under where your bra band is sitting. If you need to lift the girls up to do this, do. But keep your arms neutral otherwise. You need to keep your tape measure as straight as possible here (this is where a mirror or a good chum come in handy). Like this (but with YOUR arm down) :

So. My number here is 35, which means that I round UP to 36 (odd numbers always round up to even ones). I actually feel a bit weird and cringey posting my numbers like this. But I am going to suck it up. BECAUSE... It's just a number. It can't hurt me and it doesn't say anything about me other than the bra size I wear. And it's kind of important not to fudge here, no holding your breath and yanking the tape measure. It's the path to no fun-ness. I KNOW this because as a size 42 who couldn't psychologically let myself be anything but a 38 I was really uncomfortable and shopping for new bras was a BRUTAL exercise in self-loathing (sound too dramatic? You should (not) try it.)

Ok. So you have your band measurement. Awesome, because from here on out everything gets ARBITRARY.
and I really can't be emphatic enough about this. Completely ARBITRARY.
Measuring with a tape measure is half-assed-MAYBE-this-will-give-you-a-clue AT BEST. So with that in mind here's where you measure.

Got a number?
Now the (totally arbitrary) way to figure out your cup size is to work out the difference between your band measurement and your breast measurement. And every inch that your boob measurement is larger than your band measurement is a cup size.


On me this measurement is so wrong as to be laughable. My band size is 36" and my breast measurement is 41".So I should be a DD cup. Which would be awesome. but I'm NOT. I wear a B/C cup depending on where I am cycle-wise. A few things can throw this measurement off. A round back (like mine), weight on your armpits (yup, I got that too), broad shoulders, hell, pretty much anything.
So the key is to move on to....

Step Two.
Hit up the lingerie section.
Now what I used to do is bring a woman the same bra in a few different cup sizes. Then we'd start with the smallest and work our way up until we got the fit correct. Also note that depending on your breast shape you should try a few different styles of bra. Balcony bras work better on a small, high rack. And a plunge style works well on a bigger boob, or if your fullness rides to the side.

The first thing you need to do is adjust the straps on the bra you're trying on. Not too loose is the key here BUT the straps shouldn't be gouging your flesh (owwie) and you should be able to jam your fingers t'ween your strap and your shoulder.

Once you've got the bra on the first thing you need to do is make sure you're IN it. Which means
leaning forward a bit. Sticking your hand into your bra between your boob and your bra on the outside, (armpit side) and hoicking the girls forward, then shaking em' like a showgirl.

Now. How are we doing?
1. About that band size; is the band laying horizontal or is it hiking UP at the back? If it's hiking then you need to go down a band size.
2. Where are your underwires? If you lift your arms up and have a look at where your boobs start and your armpits finish, THAT'S where your underwires (or the edge of the cup) should be sitting. The wires (or cup edge) should be laying completely flat to your body all the way around your boob. If they're not then you go up a cup size.
3. How about yer pits? The cup shouldn't be tanglin' with your armpits at all, but if you carry extra flesh there (me! me! I do!) then you need to be careful that you're shaking into your cup properly. Nobody needs their bra to give them another set of under-armpit boobs.
4. Whats going on up top? Are you muffin-topping over the cup? Up a cup size. Are there wrinkles? Down a cup size. Neither working for you? Then try a different style.

So to recap, your perfect fit should be level on the band (the band does most of the support work) it should be smooth on the cup, not muffin-topping anywhere and not wrinkled. Any kind of pinching or horribleness anywhere is a deal breaker..

And lastly if at all possible your underwear should make you feel like "woo! I got's my pretty drawers on today!" which is not to say that sensible is a bad thing; but if you put on a bra and it's super comfortable but you find it so ugly you die a little inside then you need to take it off and keep looking. The Oh well, nobody will see it rule does not apply here. YOU will see it and you're somebody.

Ok. So this post was the length of a novel. And kind of bossy. Good job if you made it all to the way to the end here!
Hit me up in the comments or send me an 'mail if you have any questions.
X
P.S. If you're looking for a nursing or maternity bra then there's a thing I wrote about that right here.

The chart of arbitrary numbers is from here.

In which I fix some tights... and say crotch a bit

Can we talk about underwear for a second? OK? good.
Actually, I'm kind of surprised that we haven't talked about underwear before now... Did you know that I used to be a bra fitter for Marks And Spencer? Yup I did. I've seen more boobs than Ron Jeremy. I was good at it, and it was a useful skill. Hell, I'll measure you up soon as look at you! You know about the double-hoick-lean-forward-and-shake-it rule right?...

(... Wait wait wait... this wasn't supposed to be a post about boobs, but if anybody is interested let me know and we can talk about boobs and bra sizing in detail.)

OK. Back on topic. I wanted to talk about tights. Thick, cottony, only-good-thing-about-winter, tights. I recently bought a few pairs. But I had kind of a problem with them. See, I have quite long legs.Which means that tights do this thing where the crotch (heh "crotch") starts at mid thigh on me but the waistline comes up to my boobs.
Which, you guys, not a good look.
So I figured out a super quick fix. That's actually easier to see than describe.


See? suggestiveness aside, here's what you do...

1. Turn your tights inside out
2. Set your sewing machine to a zig zig stitch.
3. Sew a U shape like THAT. If your tights have a "fully fashioned gusset" (dude, is there a creepier phrase in the world? I think not.) You need to make sure you've got both the front and back fairly even.
4. Snip away the extra.
5.Try finding another polite word for crotch. Fail.
6. Put them on and rejoice in the ability to actually move your legs.
x

The Skirt That Was In My Head

HAH. Got it done!
You know, the musing I was doing in that earlier post? About what I want to be wearing now?
Well for the last AGE I've had a skirt in my head.
A high-waisted, a-line, red one. Made of soft corduroy. With a Lily Tomlin in Nine to Five vibe (in my head that's cool).
Kind of like this one, Anthro's Hop, Skip and Jump skirt $78 - which is not too crazy expensive.

Or this one the Finishing School Skirt , also by Anthro also $78

But you know what's cheaper than $78? A meter of red corduroy I picked up at Goodwill last year for $1.98. And a pattern I already happened to have, McCalls 4783.
Here's my version:

I extended the waist UP an inch and a half (using the "meh, looks close enough" method of pattern adaptation).
I made the skirt less froofy and more gentle-a-liney.
And I added kind of off-center line thing (yah it IS a technical term) by folding over a little pleat and topstitching it down.

While I was making it the skirt tried to kill me a couple of times (I have pin-related WOUNDS!) but it came together fairly easily and now I LOVE it. Love Love it. I want to hold it's hand at a midnight showing of Pulp Fiction and make it mix tapes. Here's it in action today:

I had to wear thick tights, but it's super comfy and I managed to wear heels all day. Which is a win for me!

clean-up on aisle 6

Hey you know what I hate more than house work?
Nothing.
At all.
Fortunately that kid doesn't feel the same way. I was fixing a pair of tights real quick (we'll talk about that later) and when I came out this is what Teddy was doing:


Me: Ah? Bear? What are you doing?
Teddy: (rolls eyes) I CLEANING!
Me: huh.
Teddy: YUP

With an entire package of wet wipes. And a dump truck apparently (which is a bit drastic, it wasn't THAT grubby).
I wonder if he does windows?
UPDATED. He DOES:

More thrift store karma, and some musing

This might just be me, but there is totally something about this time of year that makes me want to scour thrift stores. (Not like clean them, just look around in them, scour is a weird word...)

I think maybe it's because autumn makes me want to dress like my Auntie M or my ma in the late 70's. Which, doesn't mean a lot to you guys, so um, think west coast, granola, feminist, whip-smart, potty mouth'd, sexy. With paisley. And good boots.
Still not clear?
Like this:

Germain Greer, 1974, Tuscany( image)

And this:

Margret Atwood, 19??, but she STILL dresses with enviable badassery, (image)

And lookit these suckers:

Ms. Atwood's shoes. Swoon. (Image)

So, thrift stores is where I'm shopping (H&M also has a few things but I'm still off the buying new - WR4life baby!).
A few weeks ago I had a couple of bear-free hours, a giant vat of sugary coffee beverage, comfy shoes, pointy elbows and some steely-eyed determination. Prerequisites for a successful thrift store haul.
But I also reckoned I'd hedge my karmic bets. That is, I figured out what we'd been buying for the bear most urgently, (footie jammies, sweaters) grabbed some of his old ones and took them with me to drop off. I was mostly thinking how crappy it would be to need warm fuzzy jammies for your baby and to not be able to afford them; pretty crappy I imagine. We really are lucky.

Anyway, apparently the thrift store dryads were happy enough with the trade, 'cause I scored these
(badly photographed) goodies:


The first one looks way better in person, I've worn it a BUNCH already. The second dress is kind of a tough one for me, I love it, and it kind of makes me feel like a Shieldmaiden of Rohan (heh, ubernerdy!); but it's tough to find the right situation to wear it.
Got any tips for Good Thrift Karma?

HEY Dragon!

You guys! Halloween! Firstly of all, the cute:


It was Teddy's first time trick or treating (And mine too; we didn't do it when I was growing up in London) So YAY for vicarious candy scoring and dressing up.
He's a Dragon, and I'm The Paper Bag Princess.
This is my "Seriously? You burnt my castle AND stole my man?" pose:

I layered up later, so as not to freeze to death.

We wandered around Cabbagetown, and it was pretty much perfect! (at the risk of sounding like an UberNerd, it looked JUST like that episode of Buffy where they become their costumes. But without the killing and rampaging.)
Teddy scored big, and now we have enough sugar in the house to make a whole preschool hysterical and to put a hole in my willpower.
And hey, the whole weekend was another post's worth of brill. How was YOURS?

I Heart the Weekend

This weekend = SO. MUCH. FUN.
Friday was a gig by the boys (The Black Devils Brigade, their button is on the left there, see? You should click through if you're into awesomeness at all). Our chum Ian was home from Big Kid School (Queens), my sweetie and I got to go out AT THE SAME TIME(!), a whole gang of our chums were out and there was dancing, hollering and hi-jinx. And maybe a few drinkies.

Saturday morning was breakfast at my new favorite greasy spoon, and YAY for the restorative powers of bacon. And also for Teddy ditching the booster seat like a big boy.
Saturday night there were TWO parties, (which is a big deal for a person who doesn't get out a lot!) And I got to dress up; I hadn't really planned to, but I decided to at the last minute and reprised my outfit from 2006 (I was mostly just happy I could get it done up!) I completely neglected to get pictures but this is it then:

(I'm NOT an air hostess - I got that a lot. It's a vintage RCAF uniform. )
The first soiree was at our friend Mike's and it was maybe the most sequined party I've ever been to. Fun. The second was a little less sequiny and ALSO fun.
Sunday was drip-fed coffee, racing to Walmart for paper lawn bags, whipping up a super-quick costume, and scoring CANDY! I hope your weekend was as awesome!